Friday, November 12, 2010

Post 50...Who are you?

In the last pregnancy, we were so excited. We took every chance to connect and feel close to Joey in any way we could. Of course, similarly to this time, it took me a few months to even feel pregnant, but once the symptoms really started rolling in, it was easier to feel that bond. Now, halfway through the second month, I am starting to feel the pregnancy more, and the reality is beginning to sink in. But last night, I was caught off guard by sudden sadness. Joey was the only one I ever carried, so as I feel the pregnancy progress, it feels in some ways like it should be him side me. I don't want at all to sound like I would rather have Joey in me than Sunshine! I love Sunshine so much already and will do everything to keep him/her safe inside me! It's just, since Joey's pregnancy was cut short, it sometimes feels like he should've been given another chance. After we lost him, some people said that he was just previewing us, like he was visiting us and would be back soon. And as nice as that thought is, getting my son back, I can't say that I really believe it. I see this pregnancy, this baby, as someone completely new. As for Joey, he's having a blast running around in heaven right now, playing with his great grandpa, and looking down at us anxiously waiting to see if he gets a brother or a sister. I cried for a good long time last night, caught up in a mix of feelings, missing Joey and excited about Sunshine.

Today, I made the mistake of getting on the scale. Already I have gained a couple pounds! I know it's partly because I was dressed (TMI but I usually weigh myself in my birthday suit right before my shower) and also because I'm bloated. But still, it sent me on a temporary spiral. It's so ridiculous! After losing Joey, I promised myself I wouldn't get caught up in such superficial problems. My weight may be more of a struggle this time around since I have to spend the majority of this pregnancy on my butt, but gaining a few more pounds is of little concern compared to the safety of our baby! I shouldn't worry so much about it! I can't help but wonder if extra weight will just add more pressure to my cervix, but honestly, it's not like I'm putting on a mass amount! Anyway, in my attempts to feel productive, I took a large soup can (at best only 2lbs since I'm not allowed to lift more than 5) and did some arm lifts while I was sitting. I figured, less weight, more reps, anything to keep my arms strong so I can hold my baby when he/she comes. I also did some head rolls, shoulder rolls, and toe points. I can't really do leg lifts since that contracts my low core, so I stuck to just flexing my feet to stimulate circulation in my legs. My plan is to do this regularly to at least keep me as strong as I can be while basically being on modified bed rest for now. I kept it really light and only did enough to feel a little burn in my arms. I'm playing it safe!

One funny thing that happened today: I double sneezed!....Confused yet? In the last pregnancy, for the first time ever, I started to double sneeze. Not just two sneezes in a row. No. This is two rapid fire sneezes without even a breath in between! Anyway, it happened all throughout the pregnancy, but after giving birth, it went away. Well today, for the first time since Joey, I double sneezed! It is the funniest thing! I never new sneezes could be a pregnancy thing! Go figure!

So there you have it, nothing but Sunshine and double sneezes all the way across the sky. ;-)

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