Sunday, November 7, 2010

Post 44...Are We Really Pregnant?

After seeing the confusing test on Thursday that had apparently turned positive, I walked down to the store and bought another box of pregnancy tests. We decided to wait until Saturday morning before testing again to allow my body a little more time to build up more hcg hormones to detect if I was in fact pregnant. The wait of course was near impossible, but once again we were back to stage one, waiting to see if perhaps we were pregnant. The odds of getting a false positive are really slim, but then again we've beaten the odds before, and not exactly the favorable odds either.

Once again we had a night of little sleep as we waited for the morning test. At 6am we got up and tested once again. It took a little while to show up but sure enough, there it was, a second line. It was faint like before but undeniable. It was a positive test! The odds of two false positives while having no period and pregnancy symptoms was just impossible! We're pregnant!

Since we were already planning on visiting our parents that day, we decided to share the good news and announce to them. For my parents, since we've been working on putting together a cookbook, I wrote up a mock recipe about the "bun in the oven". And for my in-laws, we ding-dong-ditched a little plushie duck holding one pink and one blue balloon on the doorstep as we hid around the corner of the house. It was fun to announce to them but at the same time, I almost felt reluctant to. I know after two positive tests and all the symptoms, I should feel so sure about being pregnant, but at the moment it's so hard to believe. I keep worrying about having a "normal" miscarriage in the first trimester. We have a game plan for the second trimester so I'm  not too worried about that yet. But right now, all I can do is wait more and pray to God that Sunshine can hang in there for the long haul.

It was only yesterday that we confirmed it with another test, but still it's sinking in. I have moments where it feels very real, but other moments where I feel terrified of the pregnancy not sticking. For now I'm taking it very easy and just trying to be as healthy and as relaxed as I can be about it all. I'm extremely excited but extremely nervous at the same time. So much emotion, so much worry, so much unknown.

So far we haven't told any other relatives or any friends (except for one other couple) about the pregnancy. I guess we just want to wait until we have our first sonogram just to make sure things are progressing well. I don't want to seem like I'm not taking the pregnancy as real. I just need to know it's sticking around before everyone is celebrating. I don't want to let them down again, though I know it really wouldn't be my fault. But seeing their disappointment and heartache on top of my own is almost unbearable. Anyway, so for all who might read this, please don't go shouting from the rooftops just yet. When it seems more sure, we'll go from there. We plan on testing again next Wednesday just to see if the test reads out any stronger and if it is staying positive.

Please keep growing little one. Be strong and hang in there. We're going to do all we can to keep you safe. Welcome Sunshine!

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