Sunday, August 8, 2010

Post 13...Remember when

Remember back in the day when you could have a baby, buy everyone a round of cigars, take yourself out for a nice dinner afterwards, and still have change from the nickel?....Me neither. And although the medical bills we got from the hospital are manageable, it's still a hefty chunk of change!

For nearly a year, we had been building up our savings so that I could have been out with the baby for a year after birth. But since the medical bills have been rolling in after the miscarriage, we've been watching our savings shrink away. It of course didn't help to have my hours cut after coming back to work from the miscarriage, putting nearly a complete halt on salvaging what remained of our savings. Nothing like going through the worst moment in your life, only to be greeted with: "welcome back! Sorry for your loss. By the way we gave your job to someone else. But hey, we saved you some leftover hours. Just reheat at 350 degrees for the next three months."

Of course, when our financial obligations go up, our car breaks decide to squeal out a big "fuck you" as they remind us of their fair share of our paychecks. We then got notice that our rent was going to go up with our lease renewal as well...this is when I start to smack my head onto the desk and grumble at how much I hate the world.

With a heavy heart, after re-evaluating our financial status, we realized that we aren't going to be able to afford getting pregnant in October like we were hoping. Now with an understanding of what the medical bills will be next time around, and considering I'll have to be out on bed rest for the majority of the pregnancy (meaning we'd have to save more in order to afford me being out of work for so long), getting pregnant as early as October is no longer an option for us it seems. It is so extremely hard to continually have to put off our plans and readjust to life kicking us down every time we try to dust ourselves off and move forward. But once again, we are left with a painful practice in patience.

I hate the waiting game.

Be still my heart and cease repining,
for behind the clouds the sun is still shining,
thy fate is the common fate of all,
and into each life some rain must fall,
some days are dark and dreary.

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