Sunday, August 15, 2010

Post 18...mmm, that's gouda!

The bar was dimly lit by the gray light of day as we sat huddled around a small table in the window corner. We hadn't seen our friends much since they had been up at college, but it was a nice treat to see them in town for the weekend. For hours we sat there sipping our drinks, eating smoked gouda mac and cheese, and watching the rain fall outside in the thick summer air.

It was weird listening to our friends talk about graduating college and looking for apartments. In some ways it made me feel so old. Though we're the same age, I saw this other couple and couldn't help but feel like we were years older. They were so bubbly and excited about starting their life together outside of school. I remember those days. It was only a couple years back. But with so much happening in those two short years, I feel as if I have aged so much more. Unlike most of our friends, we're the only ones who have been planning on having a baby at this point. And after our loss, that alone feels like it has aged us in many ways.

But as I sat there, eating my mac and cheese, having a drink, and chatting away, I couldn't help but enjoy the feeling of going back in time. For once, in a long time,
I felt my age. No planning for a baby, no worrying about work. Just my husband and I as a couple enjoying a time out with our friends.

Again, I was a little weary of having some drinks, especially after the spotting I had had the night before. But there was no other spotting since, and, in honor of our toast to not giving into unnecessary worries (and since the math didn't add up anyway to be implantation bleeding), I gave into drinking for one last time. What better way to end my few days of splurging than in the company of my husband and good friends?

In the days before there was Sunshine.

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