Thursday, June 30, 2011

Post 123...One step closer

It has been an interesting couple of days, to put it nicely. Some good, some bad. To start, after my last blog, I receive an unexpected package from my grandma. It was a wonderful gift of home-made crocheted clothes and a blanket. She even crocheted adorable little shoes! It was very touching. After all the silence from my side of the family, it was nice to see someone getting excited.

The following day was yet another boring day filled with cleaning, watching movies, and finding ways to kill time. But yesterday was luckily a little more active. In the morning we had our weekly Obgyn visit. It wasn't my usual Obgyns since both of them are out of town for the week. But she was still a nice woman. She checked for his heartbeat, like usual, and then performed a pelvic exam to see how my cervix was holding up. Much to my excitement, she told us that I was already 1cm dilated and about 75% effaced! Of course, that doesn't mean I'm going to go into labor any time soon, necessarily. But it does mean there is some progress! I spent the rest of the day joyously baking in the kitchen.

In my excitement, I made a post on Facebook telling everyone I was 1cm dilated and 75% effaced. I got lots of happy responses and, of course, more lectures on how I need to give birth right now. Well apparently, even though I told everyone that I was not going into labor and that I was just getting one step closer, some people took it as "I'm having the baby right now!" Today I had a message waiting for me from my aunt frantically asking if everything was okay and if the baby was here yet. And I noticed that she left the same message on my mom's facebook as well. Juuuust peachy! I haven't been able to get a hold of my parents yet to even tell them that I am slightly dilated, and now my aunt is leaving them messages, asking how my labor is going! I tried to call my parents again to make sure I could clarify that I am not actually going into labor at this very minute, but again, they didn't answer their phones. So now, not only do I have relatives thinking I'm going into labor, but I can't get a hold of my parents to tell them otherwise! Are they going to see my aunt's message and think I left them out of the loop? Do they even care? And it's beyond frustrating to see how hard it is to get a hold of my parents right now! What if I was going into labor? I wouldn't be able to let them know! I've got my mother-in-law who is going to the extreme and contacting me daily, sometimes multiple times a day, asking if I'm going into labor yet. And on the flip side, I can't even get through to either of my parents!

This whole thing is getting ridiculous! I want so badly to enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy and, instead, I find myself wanting to go into labor just so people would stop bugging me about it! But then I know they'll continue to bug me to see the baby. There's no winning here is there? It's starting to feel like my wedding all over again; everyone is making it about them and taking the joy away from my husband and I. Everyone wants the baby to be born on some day that is significant to them. They want me to contact them first before others when I go into labor. They want me to go into labor at their very demand. I "should" do this, and I'm "supposed" to do that. And with a single update on my condition, I'm met with extreme freak outs! At this point, I'm kind of afraid to even log on to Facebook, let alone post any updates. The only problem with that is; if I'm not actively updating everyone, I am hunted down through all forms of communication (cell phone, email, instant messaging, Facebook...) with frantic messages asking if I haven't said anything because I'm going into labor. As I said before: this whole thing is ridiculous!

I am glad that people are excited for us. And I really am happy that everyone is so anxious to welcome Andy into the world. But it is getting a little overwhelming too. I'm just not sure how to handle it all. As much as I love getting attention for my accomplishments (a music performance, an awesome new recipe I've mastered, etc.), I really don't like having all eyes on me, watching to see if I'm going to go into labor at any second. I've never liked being treated delicately for any reason. But now, I can't even so much as sneeze without several people looking anxiously at me as if my water was going to break because of it! I know, given my history with pregnancy, that a lot of people expected me to go into labor sooner than later. But at this point, after having the cerclage removed, I'm like every other pregnant woman out there. And for once, I'd like to be treated as such. Most women end up waiting until closer to their due date or even later, so why is it such a big deal if my pregnancy is the same?

Well, this is turning into another bitch-blog. I really don't mean to complain so much. I just want so desperately to enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy while I can. If the attitudes were different, not so demanding, I think it would be easier to get excited. I don't know why it's so hard for me to look past the demands and just see the excitement. I should be happy that so many people want to be a part of Andy's life. I just wish they wouldn't try to force it and just let it happen naturally. Their impatience is starting to borderline hostile! I wonder if many other moms-to-be feel the same way as I do. Or am I the only crazy one who gets uncomfortable from all the constant attention?

At any rate, I am personally excited to hear that my body is making progress towards delivery. I was hoping, with our Obgyn appointment, that they would tell us we're getting closer but not yet ready for delivery. I didn't want to go into labor that day, but I liked hearing that we're at least inching our way there. It makes for an exciting wait! I would've been bummed if we didn't have some sort of progress. So I'm glad we're at least one step closer.

For now, I'm going to hide from Facebook for the day and try to enjoy the wonderful experience of carrying my son inside me while I can. Even though we will soon have the joy of him being here with us, I'm going to miss feeling his little kicks inside me.

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