There came a time after our loss that I gave my husband fair warning. Without having a child to mother, I new I might turn my mothering instincts towards him, and well....it comes out in subtle ways here and there, but there are a few times where it is undeniable!
We were cuddling on the couch when my husband started to look really sleepy. Hugging him close to my chest, I reached over to my laptop and put on some soft music. While softly stroking his hair and rubbing his back, I watched as his eyes began to droop, a relaxed smile on his face. For nearly 30 minutes I laid there with him, rubbing his back and humming quietly to the music when it dawned on me...this was the same music I used at work to put the kids to sleep...good Lord, I just put my husband down for a nap!
Then this morning I woke up early to help my husband with his Halloween costume. Since Halloween is on Sunday this year, everyone at his work is dressing up today (Friday). So there I was at 6:30am painting my husband's face and helping him get ready for work. Out in the dark parking lot, in my tennis shoes and bathrobe, I helped him out to the car carrying the decorated cupcakes I made for him to take to work. And as I blew him a kiss and waved goodbye as he excitedly drove off to work, it hit me again...painting his face...sending him off with cupcakes to share?....Damn it! Mothering urges strike again!
At least I'm not to the point of licking my finger and using it to wipe away whatever "smudgy" is on his face. Although I have to admit, having someone to spoil and take care of does help fill a void in my heart. But I've better watch myself!