Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Post 36...Are these my footprints?

"Pooh says that it might be a Woozle, or it might not, and Piglet joins in with the tracking and walking in circles to see if they can find out for sure. And after a little while Pooh stops walking, and says that it's very funny, but there are now two sets of paw-prints, which means...well, what does that mean?"--Winnie the Pooh.

Somehow I get the feeling I've been here before...

This last Friday was a total time warp. I spent the evening having coffee with a couple friends from high school. It had been so long since the three of us had hung out. It was really quite enjoyable, even though I had some serious feelings of anxiety before we got together. You see, one of my friends is pregnant. I had hung out with her one other time and things went well then too. But for some reason it still made me feel really anxious. I am so happy for her and her healthy pregnancy, but sometimes it's hard to see how far along she is. Hearing my friends encouraging me to get pregnant again seemed weird in a way. I was pregnant first. I should be enjoying my baby right now, not being encouraged to get pregnant again so I could join the club. It's such a weird feeling. But at the same time, it's so nice to see how excited my friend is...I envy her right now.

The subject of the holidays has also resurfaced. My in-laws have announced that they will be going to Oregon for Christmas this year. At first, they had talked about staying up here, hoping we would be pregnant so they would have a good excuse to have the holidays at home. But now, since my husband's grandpa has no one to celebrate with, my in-laws decided to spend the holiday with him. I'm glad that they will be keeping him company. He needs it more that we do. But I have to admit I am a bit bummed too. I was really looking forward to the idea of having the holidays with the family up here again. We talked about the idea of traveling down to Oregon on Christmas Eve night (after spending Christmas Eve with my family like we do every year), but if we're pregnant we've decided to stay here. I know my husband wants to spend the holiday with his family and I want nothing more than to give that to him. But if we are pregnant for Christmas, being out of town during a complicated pregnancy would run the risk of not being near our obgyn when we might need them. Plus the winter is already starting off harsh. There has been reports that it might be a really cold and snowy winter. If we were to be snowed in at his grandparents house, or have an accident when driving late at night on icy roads, I'd never forgive myself for not protecting our baby better. I have to do everything that I can to ensure their safety, even if that means we end up having a quiet holiday just the three of us. And honestly, that wouldn't be so bad.

The last set of familiar footprints came in the form of another UTI. That's right. After another month of "baby dancing" I woke up this morning with that oh too familiar awkward feeling. My husband came home and took me to the clinic and, sure enough, it was another UTI. So I'm back on antibiotics, drinking water and cranberry juice, trying to find ways we can go about this without sending me to the doctors every month. From what I've read and what the doctor recommended was, I should try to go to the bathroom after each session of intercourse (that sounds so formal...intercourse...). I've worried about peeing out my husband's swimmers afterwards but from what I read, it shouldn't be a concern. All this time, after having sex, I've been elevating my hips trying to give his little swimmers a head start. But now we're thinking it might be best not to have me lay back for 20+ minutes since it only seems to be giving birth to UTIs and not a baby. Since most times we have sex at night and I fall asleep afterwards, it's my guess that, at that time, I'm giving bacteria more of a head start than anything else. Yuck!...Not what I had intended! So hopefully, if we have to try again, we can avoid another UTI and end up with a baby instead. I guess it'll just be more water and cranberry juice from here on out.

"Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering."--Winne the Pooh

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