While I was on bed rest there was a day, just one, where the sun came out. As I sat in bed looking longingly out the window at the warm sunlight, my husband encouraged me to go sit out in the sun for a little while. After being cooped up inside for so many days, he thought it might help renew my spirits if I enjoyed a little fresh air. So I bundled up in my winter jacket and carefully pushed a chair out onto the patio.
It was beautiful! For nearly 20 minutes, I sat out in the cool crisp air looking up at the rich blue sky. The sun was so warm on my skin. It felt as if all my stress was melting away in it's soft golden light. And before I knew it, I found myself talking to Sunshine. As I rubbed my tummy, I began to describe what I was seeing, telling the baby about winter and how things will look very different when he/she comes in the summer. I talked about the things we would do together and the places we would go to. And for the first time in a long time, I started to make plans...I started to truly believe that the pregnancy is here to stay.
In that moment, as I sat out in the sun talking to little Sunshine, I realized that I was making plans. I was planning on the pregnancy going full term. Somewhere inside all that worry and past pain, I stumbled upon hope. And for the first time out loud, I looked down at my pregnant tummy and said through swollen tears, "I love you."