Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Post 8...Collaborated Independence

Yesterday was an emotional mess. To give the story a little context; I have a nasty habit of trying to convince my husband to play hooky from work. Normally he would smile sympathetically and remind me of the importance of going to work. And on some special occasions he would give in and spend a day with me relaxing and enjoying our time to be alone, just the two of us. But since the passing of Pickle, I've noticed the sense of duty and the need to provide for us ramp up ten fold in my husband. Knowing that our savings is one of the biggest factors weighing in on our ability to comfortably try again for a baby, as well as knowing that I'm not getting the same kind of consistent hours--thank you crappy job!--it puts more pressure on the need to earn and save as much as possible.

Of course, this didn't stop my habit of trying to convince my husband from time to time to play hooky with me. I wanted to be with him, to escape the frustrations of work and life for just one day. Once again our weekends were being consumed by obligations. Not to meantion I have had difficulty diving back into work after the miscarriage without a moment to breathe. All of it added up to my growing need to be with my husband and my need to be needed. It was bad enough having my hours cut at work, leaving me feeling unneeded. But as my husband started to more insistently decline my last-minute requests to skip work, the feeling of being unwanted or unneeded caused me to get all worked up. To make a long story short, my husband and I talked things out in long detail, cried together for awhile, and in the end, sorted everything out.

You see, my response was to do the dramatic thing and say "I'll just give you the time you need to focus on your things by making myself scarce." Thinking I was making myself too available all the time, I thought if we did our own things more often, then perhaps he might eventually miss me and need me there. Of course this was just emotions talking. Luckily I have a very loving and rational husband. His way of seeing it was that; we don't need more time to do our own things, we need to spend more time together doing more fun things. Somewhere in-between all of life's recent big events, we've become so driven with moving beyond it all that we have forgotten to enjoy each other's company. I would get the attention I was needing from my husband, we could be together (which we realized was really what we wanted), and I could have more good times to sustain me for the week so I could better support my husband's need to work. We both win.
So now with a new found perspective, we are back on track enjoying our days again. Already we have cooked new recipes together, ordered new roller blades so we can go skating together, we're watching less tv, and all in all, having more fun! And believe me when I say...just having fun with your partner is the ultimate libido booster too! ;)

Bringing a little Sunshine back in our days.

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