Monday, July 5, 2010

Post pressure right?

Yesterday I just found out that my in-laws are postponing their Christmas plans this year to see if we get pregnant or not in September. Now, if you knew how much a Christmas nut my mother-in-law is, you'd know what a big deal it is for her to leave her Christmas plans undecided until just months before hand. Normally she has the entire holiday planned out nearly a year in advance. So for my in-laws to say they are holding off on making any decisions until they know if we're pregnant or not in time for Christmas is insane!

Almost every time I see my in-laws, there is talk about us getting pregnant again. My mother-in-law is so adamant about us getting pregnant that she's even succumb to talking to me about sex which..well...again if you knew her, the idea of her talking about sex is laughable! This is coming from the woman who fought me tooth and nail just to be with her son. Now she's encouraging us to have sex as much as possible so as to conceive her next grandchild! The whole thing scares me quite frankly. I think I felt more comfortable when she was hating me.

In all honesty, I understand why she wants us to have another baby. I understand the guilt that she wants to alleviate by spoiling us and the next child to know ends. In a horribly twisted and sick humor, my husband and I jokingly threatened to tell my mother-in-law to be careful not to spoil this next child to death like the last one. But we figured the joke might be lost on her, and she just might end up refusing to talk to us after that. I know...we're going to hell. But even in our sick humor, isn't joking about it sort of a sign of healing?...maybe?....Or maybe we're just awful human beings. I don't know.

Anyway, I'm beginning to remember why we didn't tell anyone last time when we were trying to conceive. There was way less pressure that way. No one else's opinions weighing in on our decision. Now, whether people try to or not, opinions on why and when are being interjected into every conversation. However, opinions are one thing; scheduling holiday plans biased on whether or not I'm knocked up is a whole ‘nother thing!

From what my mother-in-law told me, if we're not pregnant before the holiday, then Christmas will be held in Oregon at the grandparent's house. Otherwise, if we are pregnant come the holiday, it will be hosted up here so that all the family can be with us without me having to travel. And though it is a sweet gesture that they will all alter their plans to insure the comfort and safety of us when we're pregnant, it's still the idea that everyone is waiting for us to do the deed...waiting...watching for signs of pregnancy....all eyes on us. It's absolutely suffocating! Even if we did get pregnant before the holiday, (which is highly possible since we're talking about getting pregnant by October) it's still the whole family hovering around us, fussing over us. Don't get me wrong, I love to be the center of attention, but not like this! I don't like to be fussed over. I know I'm borrowing troubles from tomorrow and I should just let things unfold. But I'm starting to miss those days when the pregnancy was our little secret.

How am I suppose to get in the mood with my husband, knowing his mom is waiting for us to finish up so I can pee on a stick. Talk about a bucket of ice water!

Little Miss. Sunshine on center stage!

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