Sunday, July 3, 2011

Post 125...Pointless

Well, I can't really say there is anything new to report. Each day goes by and I don't even have so much as a hint of labor coming my way. I keep doing what I can to help encourage things along, trying to make sure the baby drops into position, but nothing seems to work. I have done lots of research and found several suggestions for helping to move things along including: walking, sitting backwards in a chair (to open the hips), doing squats, doing lunges, walking up stairs, bouncing on a birthing ball, eating spicy foods, and more. For the past week I have been doing squats and sitting backwards in my chair. I have eaten spicy foods and I've done lunges. And for the past couple of days, I have been going on several long walks day in hopes that, as the websites say, "gravity will take effect." I've even gone so far as to try acupressure! But what do I get for all my efforts? Exhaustion, puffy hands and feet, and a broken spirit. I'm starting to realize that there really isn't anything I can do to get things moving. As much as I try, it still doesn't feel like the baby has dropped. In fact, if feels like he's just resting his head on my left hip bone, which isn't very comfortable. There have been no signs of spotting, no loss of the mucus plug, nothing! When I walk, I feel some contractions which, on occasion, are a little stronger than before. But otherwise, throughout the day, I hardly feel a thing! For the past few nights, I thought I was having stronger contractions that felt a lot like menstrual cramps. The mild cramping lasted for a few hours each night, but quickly went away without a trace come morning. Much to my disappointment, it turned out to be gas cramps.

At this point, I see no point in trying anymore. There is nothing I can do to bring labor on any sooner. The more I try, the more disappointed and uncomfortable I get. All of these so-called tricks for bringing on labor seem to be nothing more than a sad attempt to make a pregnant mother feel productive while she waits for true labor to come. But really, it is all out of my hands. For all I know, it will come down to what I dread the most: an induced late labor that leads to a c-section. Perhaps I should spend more of my time coming to terms with that possibility than focusing on how to speed up the process. I can't speed up the process, but I can mentally prepare myself for the "worst case scenario." I know before I have said that I don't mind the wait, but that's with the stipulation that I see some progress. Without their being any signs of forward movement, the wait suddenly seems all the more pointless and frustrating. I know that in about three weeks at the most, he will be here regardless. But I don't want it to come down to a late induced labor. I want the joy and excitement of going into labor on my own. But the more I read about the cerclage, the more I find that the scar tissue it leaves behind can often result in needing to be induced. With the cervix being scarred up from the cerclage, it's possible that it will have difficulty dilating without assistance.

So I guess there is nothing I can do at this point except wait and come to terms with the possibility that I won't get the labor experience I was hoping for. In the mean time, I get to deal with all the frustrating hormonal fluctuations. Last night, for no real reason at all, I started bawling my eyes out for several minutes. And about 20 minutes later when my husband and I took a quick break in between shows to get a snack, I felt the sudden need to clean the house before sitting back down. So I did. Today, I keep bouncing between being extremely tired to feeling wide awake, never mind the fact that I got plenty of sleep last night. I think at this point, I'm about ready to be done with being pregnant. As much as I have enjoyed the experience, I am ready to have my body back and be done with this never ending wait. We have been waiting for nearly two years now to have a baby, and we worked so hard to make sure he wouldn't come too early. Now it's okay for him to come, and nothing is happening.

No comments:

Post a Comment