Sunday, July 10, 2011

Post 129...Five days away

In spite of the progress I had yesterday with losing my mucus plug, it seems like everything went back to a screeching halt. Again I have no cramping or contractions going on, and the baby shows no signs of dropping, leaving me feeling like I am no closer to labor than I was before. I took one step forward and two steps back. When my friend lost her plug this last Wednesday, her baby dropped right away and she started having increasing contractions in the days to follow. I suppose I expected the same of myself. But here I am, waiting for some other sign of progress while my friend is holding her newborn that she gave birth to last night.

I'm not sure what to do. A part of me wants to spend the day walking around in hopes to move things along. But I have a hard time believing that will actually work considering I was walking for miles every day last week and didn't so much as dilate or efface in the slightest bit. The only cramping it causes is the cramping in my legs. As much as I have been wanting to be woken up by strong contractions, I have been woken up by charlie horses in my calf muscles instead! The one thing that seemed to help me progress was when the doctor scraped the membranes in my last appointment. But considering that I don't have my next appointment until this coming Thursday, the day before our due date, I'm having a hard time believing that Andy will actually be here on time. Because unless the doctor does something else to help move things along, I don't really trust that my body will do it on its own. Hmmm...any guesses why I wouldn't trust my body?

So here I am, five days away from my due date and I am showing no signs of approaching labor. I am so ready to have my body back! I am done feeling so tight, fat, and achy! But each time I ask when I will be relieved of this discomfort and when I'll be able to see my son, I'm met with the illusive "soon" response that I hate so much. "Soon" is just another way of saying "I have no idea."

Everyone keeps throwing out guesses for when I will deliver Andy and so far I have disappointed many. My husband originally guessed that we would deliver on the 11th, which is tomorrow. I hate to brake it to him, but I don't think that's going to happen. He seems excited and anxious to meet Andy too, but each day I don't have any symptoms, each day we edge closer to delivering late, the more I see that excitement fade in his eyes. It seems like the more he realizes the likelihood of me needing to be induced, the more he reluctantly lets go of that dream of receiving an excited call from me saying that my water broke. I want so badly to give him that excited, classic experience. He has already had to put up with so many unfavorable circumstances by having a child with me (out of all the woman out there, he had to chose the one that would miscarry his first born son and then have another pregnancy full of fear and complications); I just wanted this one part to go right. I wanted him to feel the joy and nervousness of needing to rush to the hospital to have a healthy happy baby. But once again, I fear that my body is stopping our dreams from coming true and there is nothing I can do about it but watch the growing disappointment in the people around me. I know there is still time for me to go into labor on my own. But forgive me if I have little faith in things going right when it comes to my pregnancies.

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